How To Fail a College Class

College is a great time for exploring all the options that life has to give. About 28% of Americans graduate with Bachelor’s degrees, and only a smidgen hold a Doctorate — about 3%.  It is becoming increasingly tougher to even complete a BA in the standard 4 years without summer or winter classes. But getting that degree means you have to go to class — and get good grades. When balancing a host of other life stuff — work, kids, boyfriend/girlfriend problems, friend drama, bills, etc. — it gets pretty hard.

Sometimes it is better to give advice for doing the opposite of what you’d like to do. Or what I would like to call, “very expensive mistakes learned the hard way.” Some of these bad decisions were made personally by me, and others were from observing others in my classes/friends. Considering the cost of tuition rises exponentially every year (at least it feels like it, even if the rise is only 10%), it is important not to waste time on failing any classes. In other words, don’t do these things, if you want a degree.

  • Stop attending classes after mid-terms.
  • Skip the final examinations.
  • Plan to withdraw from a class, and then never officially withdraw through the registrar. Oops.
  • Don’t do a paper that is 25-30% of the final grade.
  • Work more than 35 hours AND try to go to school full-time (with 6 classes, no less).
  • Buy the books and never open them.
  • Go to class, but get distracted by your cell phone or laptop.
  • Go to class, but leave halfway through. (Hint- the teachers notice, and will mark you absent).
  • Go to class, but don’t take notes.
  • Drink excessively Thursday-Sunday.
  • Drink excessively Thursday-Thursday.
  • Take note of the maximum number of absences allowed in a class, and then exceed that in multiples of three or four.
  • Sign up for an early morning class, especially if you are not a morning person.
  • Have your work schedule clash consistently with your class hours. Guess which one you choose?
  • Schedule 4-5 classes in a row without breaks. You will end up skipping just to eat a damn sandwich.
  • Go to a concert (or any event) during a time you are well aware that you have class.
So remember, if you want to fail a class, this is definitely the way to do it. Just choosing a couple of these options will yield an F on your transcript in no time.

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