Who I Was 5 Years Ago, Plus LinkLove

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I am a super self-improvement nerd, reader and collector of all things self-help, psychological, inspirational, motivational, and ass-kicking.  =) So I think it’s about time I compile what I’ve been reading on the interwebz as of late.

Lately when I find it difficult to concentrate, or if I am feeling like I cannot accomplish my goals, I turn to any of these links and I am met with sparkling inspirational abundance. Each of the people behind these links transcends my goal-setting into overdrive as I can only wish that someday I can be a fraction as inspiring and awesome as they are…

These have become part of a massive list of great blogs I have on my Evernote.

Jessica Mullen ESPECIALLY School of Life Design
Get Rich Slowly
I Will Teach You To Be Rich
Lifehacker
Pick the Brain
Zen Habits
As always, Steve Pavlina but ESPECIALLY this, this,, and this

And my good friend allyssa‘s new blog just oozes amazingness. She inspired me to write about this:

Me, 5 Years Ago…Vs. Today

Five years ago, in 2008,  I was 19 years old. I was a second-semester freshman at Southern CT State University. I had just graduated high school, and I was excited to be going to college. I didn’t get a room so I was using multiple modes of transportation to get to school. It was exhausting, and I was also working part-time at a local drive-in (fast food joint). My major was Psychology. I had been going out with my boyfriend for 3 years now. Gosh, it’s hard to think so far back in time. It feels like forever ago. I barely remember my classes taken at SCSU. I was drinking pretty regularly and just experiencing going to night clubs, but it was hard to make friends at the college since I was only there for classes. I weighed a lot less than I do now, mostly due to walking everywhere, and I still lived at home. I mostly went to Burt’s house to see him, though.

My parents got divorced, and in 2009, my mom remarried and got pregnant. She kicked me out of the house and I had nowhere to go, but Burt’s family let me live with him. I was stressed and poor and I ended up dropping out of SCSU to avoid failing all of my classes that I never went to. I never, ever thought I would do this. Little did I know that I would transfer colleges twice (attending 3 institutions), and drop out of college twice…

I began to gain weight since I didn’t care, and we always ate out. Soon I was extremely overweight. I was working a lot but I felt like something was missing. I decided to attend community college, which was in the same city I lived, so commuting was easier. I also managed to afford another car, so it made driving easier. I also got another job. I got my Associate’s in 2010, and felt pretty good, besides my weight.

Which brings me to where I am today, in the cusp of 2013. I am now 23, turning 24 in June, and happily married to the boyfriend I’ve loved since 2005. I have went from unhappily attending SCSU, dropping out, transferring to community college, receiving my AS in General Studies, and transferring to CCSU, another state university. We moved to our first apartment, and out of a destructive environment. Probably due to the depression that keeps coming back, I became unhappy at CCSU and didn’t see the point in anything. Actually I  almost dropped out of CCSU, but I took a leave of absence instead (with the coaxing of the registrar guy) to withdraw from last semester and am now happily enrolled full time this semester. My GPA took a huge hit due to failing classes and bad attendance, but I’m determined to finish my Bachelor’s Degree. I’ll be the first in my family to get one.

so what has changed in five years? Sometimes I still feel like the lost teenager, crippled with depression and anxiety that makes it nearly impossible to go to class. My weight and health is poor, and I’ve quit cigarettes 5 times (going on 3 months right now cig-free again). My weight is at an all-time high, but I’m actively making changes to lose weight again.

I’ve definitely matured in five years, though in the midst of depression I don’t feel like I have. I feel like I am less depressed but my anxiety is much worse. I am trying to solve this without the need for pills. I still feel like a lot of things would be easier when I lose weight.

I still feel like I have a lot of things to work on in my life. My mind changes constantly, and I love trying new things. But I still love reading and writing. In November I reached 35,000 words in my NaNoWriMo novel, and I’m determined to finish it. I truly want to be a writer.

And that is pretty much the only thing I’ve figured out, even though I knew it all along. But now I have clearer paths to become that writer I’ve always wanted. I’m making money with it online, and I write for fun in this blog of mine and offline, as well as working on the novel. I also occasionally write poetry, but that was more my thing during the depressed years.

So my epic goal for 2013 and beyond? I will become a writer, and I will define personally what that means for me in terms of success.

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